Saturday, November 29, 2003
Not quite on the shit list, but getting there. Every time I read a Canada-related thread on FARK.com, I'm reminded just how stunningly and embarrassingly ignorant Americans -- and, sadly, many Canadians -- are when it comes to this country. Not just ignorant, but rude and disrespectful. If you're American and don't like Canada, don't come here. If you're Canadian and don't like Canada, turn your passport in at the border and leave. (With an emphatic "good riddance" and "don't let the door hit you on the way out" to Norm Macdonald and every other whiny Canadian celebrity looking to score American citizenship.) There, problem solved. In the meantime, spare us the pointless anti-Canuck rhetoric and other petty bullshit -- it's all getting rather lame.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take some Tylenol.
Follow-up: I suppose I could be accused of being a hypocrite; then again, there's nothing like American netizens amusing themselves by being ignorant, jingoistic pricks and self-appointed demagogues -- who insult my country, no less -- to remind me that now is the time "to enjoy our pastime of marveling at America's ignorance." (By the way, any American who mockingly describes Canada as the 51st state -- every thread discussing a Canadian topic has at least one troll who does -- obviously hasn't been interrogated at the border by Darth Ridge's minions.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 09:57 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, November 28, 2003
A preacher from Missouri. The right-wing Canadian Alliance and appropriately named Progressive Conservative Party of Canada had already lost my vote; now the soon-to-be-merged parties have lost my respect, courtesy of Larry Spencer. An over-reaction to a homophobic bad apple? I don't think so; for every caucus member that openly expresses such bigotry, there are many more diehard conservatives who remain silent, in the closet (pardon the pun).
With Blogdex tracking the CBC News story, Stephen Harper and Peter MacKay can gauge Canadian bloggers' reactions -- negative, I hope -- to Spencer and his ilk (assuming, of course, that any of the two party leaders' flunkies are remotely knowledgeable about the Blogosphere).
Follow-up: Liberal David Kilgour doesn't impress me either.
posted by media_dystopia @ 06:28 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, November 27, 2003
You call it Thanksgiving. We call it Thursday. Canadians celebrated Thanksgiving last month -- and, sadly, we've yet to lose the weight. Those of you south of the border who watched the Late Show with David Letterman last night will have benefited from a rather humorous explanation of the two Thanksgivings, courtesy of Mike Myers. (And yes, we say "zed" instead of "zee"; I'm sure hip-hop artist Jay-Z appreciated the comedian's pronunciation.) Point being, if you're American, have a great Turkey Day, and if you're Canadian, have a great work day...if possible.
posted by media_dystopia @ 07:08 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Sex lives of the idle rich. I finally watched the Paris Hilton sex tape; that is to say, the abridged version, not to be confused with the "highlights" (assuming there are any). Truth be known, as far as sex tapes go, this one is rather lackluster. Let's face it, grainy night-vision video of an unattractive woman -- sorry guys, she doesn't do anything for me -- with a major case of red eye (made worse by being green) doesn't make for compelling porn. Luckily, the couple had the TV on in the background in case they got bored; I know I did.
(Far be it for me to suggest that Fox had anything to do with its dissemination on the Web, but I notice that the tape was conveniently released just before the debut of The Simple Life.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 06:36 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, November 24, 2003
Goofy safety glasses: $12.99. Bulky filtration mask: $4.99. Still sexy: priceless. I've been watching Mag Ruffman's Anything I Can Do and A Repair to Remember on PRIME. Why? Certainly not because I'm in need of pointers for some home improvement project -- I'm in it for the host, of course. What can I say, she's the epitome of sweet and down to earth, and has a warm-and-fuzzy-feeling-inducing smile. Normally, I wouldn't know, or care about, the difference between a jig saw and a miter saw; however, in her hands, saws are just so...interesting.
posted by media_dystopia @ 10:17 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, November 23, 2003
A scepter and a dysfunctional melanocortin 1 receptor. David Starkey's Elizabeth and The Six Wives of Henry VIII -- courtesy of PBS and History Television -- have made me realize that the Virgin Queen was, for me, the original redhead, and that perhaps my love for this phenotype had its genesis with her.
Now, the question is, did she also have freckles?
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:16 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, November 21, 2003
It's nice not to be ignored. Although I haven't watched the show since Teresa Strasser left, I'm happy that TLC's While You Were Out finally ventured across the border to tape tonight's episode, "Toronto: Indonesian Winter Garden." I'm sure the homeowner will love John Bruce's outdoor design, especially when the temperature drops to -20 C. (Hypothermia, anyone?)
Follow-up: Yes, I watched this episode. No, I haven't changed my mind about Evan Farmer.
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:06 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Typical male pig does good. I decided to remove the "Who's Kimothy Walker?" item from the Ottawa section of the sidebar. I did this not because of any change of opinion on my part, but rather to be more inclusive regarding the beautiful women of the local news media. It wasn't fair to the likes of Stephanie Beaumont, Angie Poirier, and Jenna Fyfe -- just to name a few -- to single out the CJOH anchor. Therefore, out of consideration to those other women, no one will be mentioned in the sidebar (posts are still fair game, though). Sorry, Kimothy.
posted by media_dystopia @ 06:41 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
It's fun watching someone else's father-son relationship. I don't know how to ride a motorcycle and I have the mechanical skills of a learning-impaired ape, and yet, I love watching Discovery Channel's American Chopper, featuring the oft-bickering crew from Orange County Choppers. To be honest with you -- sorry, couldn't resist -- the show is documentary journalism at its finest. (Those of you who don't get the OCC in-joke will have to be content with saying, "Huh?" Sorry.)
Follow-up: The show may be produced by Discovery Channel in the U.S., but I watch it on Discovery Channel Canada. I just thought I'd clarify that.
posted by media_dystopia @ 21:19 [ link | top | home ]
To eat, perchance not to gag. Simulated (insert name of meat product here). Low fat. Preservative free. Cholesterol free. Made with soy. If you come across a food product with a combination of these phrases on the package, you can be assured of two things: all of the food's good taste is in the ingredients that have been freed from it, and all of the bad taste is in the simulation and soy. How vegetarians can live off this shit, I'll never know. I only eat it because the low-fat-diet angel sitting on my shoulder makes me -- and I'm going to choke that little turd pretty soon.
posted by media_dystopia @ 05:34 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, November 16, 2003
The chess saga continues. Today I learned what a stalemate is: it's when you have a bishop, two queens, three pawns -- all queens-to-be, having unimpeded access to the other side of the board -- a knight, and a king, while your opponent has...a king. I thought I had the electronic bastard by the digital balls -- for once -- but it turns out that I was committing a rookie mistake: an automatic draw when ahead on material. "A case of too much uncontrolled power." The game's equivalent of premature ejaculation. Call it what you will, it's like slaughtering Napoleon's army down to a man only to have Bonaparte legally declare a draw. Apparently, the point is to win without winning too much. I guess I was thrown off by that whole "chess is war" thing. Silly me.
posted by media_dystopia @ 08:32 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, November 14, 2003
Enthusiasm is hard to muster when you're waiting for the axe to drop. If Paul Martin's speech at the Liberal Leadership Convention proves anything, it's that Canada's next prime minister is well-spoken in both official languages. However much I appreciate that, though, my previous warning stands. (I may be apolitical, but I'm not apathetic.)
Follow-up: Out with the old and in with the new on December 12.
posted by media_dystopia @ 21:18 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Lest we forget.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
-- John McRae, 1915
posted by media_dystopia @ 11:00 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, November 10, 2003
Are you ready for some jingoism? I always enjoy the American spectacle that is Monday Night Football. I don't actually follow the NFL -- I just like the cultural event. And I might as well enjoy it now in all its unspoiled glory before a Canadian broadcaster gets hold of the Super Bowl and butchers its commercial breaks.
Speaking of which, two of tonight's ads jumped out at me: a generic American beer commercial featuring the not-so-generic Anna Bocci -- at least, I hope that was her (one viewing wasn't enough to confirm the sighting) -- and a Toyota Camry spot obviously filmed in Toronto, not that its architecturally distinct city hall and equally distinct GO Trains would mean anything to the average Cheesehead.
Now Ahnold on the other hand...
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:54 [ link | top | home ]
I would have felt more ashamed had I not voted, but not by much. Today's Ontario municipal elections saw me doing my democratic duty; however, given the shortage of information about the candidates and my general lack of interest in municipal affairs, I went into it fairly uninformed. I ended up basing my vote for mayor, ward councillor, and school board trustee on propaganda, amateurish though it may have been compared to that of the provincial election. In fact, photocopied manifestos and colorful lawn signs were enough to influence my decision. One of the candidates also benefited from having the same unusual last name as someone I knew in university.
And that, my friend, is democracy in action. (What are the chances that the world's disfranchised don't hate my guts right about now?)
Follow-up: Like many Ontarians, I was more interested in who won Toronto's hotly contested mayoral race than who I helped elect -- or not, in my case -- in my home town.
posted by media_dystopia @ 17:52 [ link | top | home ]
I'm a warm and fuzzy junkie. It started with the soothing voice of a female grade-school teacher. Then the heavy accent and quick brush of a French-Canadian Bob Ross. Now when I want that warm and fuzzy feeling -- that tingling at the back of your neck and along your spine (whatever its scientific name may be) -- I turn to Spectacular Spas on PRIME and Life Network. When host Carrie Olver talks to the person massaging her, I'm in heaven; I melt away into relaxation just as fast as she does.
posted by media_dystopia @ 12:18 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, November 09, 2003
You have to take the good with the bad. Watching Doctor Who and Red Dwarf on BBC Kids comes with certain dangers: commercials for Cavegirl and The Basil Brush Show. She's a fashion-conscious 15-year-old girl dealing with the trials and tribulations of prehistoric adolescence, and he's an impudent fox -- puppet, that is -- pumping out nauseatingly lame one-liners. I'm not sure whether to rubberneck, or run screaming from the room.
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:33 [ link | top | home ]
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Just because he's the enemy of my enemy doesn't mean he's my friend. I was dreading watching Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine. I was worried that, like his infamous Oscar speech -- just to name one thing -- it would aggravate me to no end. I certainly went into it with a host of preconceptions about both the "documentary" and its maker.
It turns out that the film was rather amusing, and didn't rile me in the least. The Canada-U.S. contrast was quite interesting, as was the fact that Halifax's Salter Street Films -- the folks behind This Hour Has 22 Minutes -- co-produced it. My overall impression: a somewhat nebulous critique of the ills of America doubling as a promotional video for Canada.
Gospel? No. Entertainment? Yes.
Follow-up: Salter Street Films has been shut down by parent company Alliance Atlantis. Merry Christmas.
posted by media_dystopia @ 04:56 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
There's nothing worse than a chafed areola. Ottawa is currently being hit by the first snow of the season, and if you believe the meteorologists -- fickle lot that they are -- it's to be followed by freezing rain. With the cold weather comes a drop in humidity and the inescapable seasonal nuisance that is dry skin. Therefore, it's time for me to grease my nipples. No, I'm not going to smear Valvoline all over my chest; by "grease," I mean Vaseline Intensive Care or some other moisturizer. It makes for some soft, supple nipples during the harsh winter months. Sorry, was that too much information?
Follow-up: It took 45 minutes to defrost the ice off the rear window. Yeah, I'd say the forecasters read the tea leaves right today.
posted by media_dystopia @ 07:29 [ link | top | home ]
Who us Daily Show neophytes? Congratulations to CTV for adding The Daily Show with Jon Stewart to its schedule. Of course, this is only a big deal if your boob tube relies on rabbit ears for reception; contrary to the impression given by the faux news anchor in his kind and hilarious welcome to the fresh-faced Canadian audience -- why yes, our national anthem is "Takin' Care of Business" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive -- the award-winning show has been on basic cable here for some time now, courtesy of The Comedy Network. (Both it and CTV are owned by Bell Globemedia, incidentally, proving that corporate synergy includes using one's cable specialty channel as a testing ground for one's over-the-air network.)
Nevertheless, it's nice to have a Canadian television network recognized -- mentioned by name, no less -- by the shrewd and sardonic host of the The Daily Show. Canucks love Jon Stewart, eh?
posted by media_dystopia @ 06:17 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Why yes, I would like a Jelly Baby. I'm catching up on my Doctor Who -- not to mention Red Dwarf, another fave -- courtesy of BBC Kids. (The network is currently airing Season 14's "The Talons of Weng Chiang" with Tom Baker.) It's been a long time since I've seen the show in its original episodic format: multiple half-hour parts, each ending with a mini-cliff-hanger and, of course, the haunting theme music. When I last watched the series regularly -- sadly, over a decade ago (I've been a bad Whovian) -- the parts were integrated, spliced together into one long episode by whichever PBS station my local (Canadian) cable provider opted to include in its service.
posted by media_dystopia @ 03:22 [ link | top | home ]